One of my clients flew into Israel today and wanted me to meet her teenager. Of course, I agreed, but asked "Does she know why she is coming?" "Not really," she said. "What should I tell her?" No matter what the excuse was going to be, I knew exactly what her body language was going to say: "I don't want to be here." As expected - folded arms, slumped back in the cafe booth, eyes that wouldn't hold a gaze. With much Siyata Dishmaya, the meeting ended an hour and a half later with arms at her sides, good eye contact, communication, and a meeting of the minds. In the taxi on the way back, her mother texted me, "How did you do that?" "Simple," I said. "A whole lot of Siyata Dishmaya, praying, and I let her know that what she thinks is right and justified." Trying to "get through to someone" when they feel unheard, judged, and misunderstood is like trying to break down a brick wall.  You will do more da...

  It has taken me all day to write this post. Not because I am at a loss for words (those of you who know me personally would find that hard to believe). I truly just did not believe I had anything to share that should distract anyone from a post that would move them. On the days we commemorate the  Holocaust holds a heavy place in all our hearts. My grandparents were Holocaust survivors - concentration camps, hideouts, disguises, jumping from trains. As the second generation, we were the ones they spoke to, me especially. Growing up, I had heard the harrowing tales from birth; it was a part of me, in my blood. Could I say I related to it? Believed that living human beings that slept, ate, breathed could knowingly behave as animals for no justified reason? Well, living the era of October 7th+ in Israel, I do now. I truly have nothing to add. Everyone has said it more brilliantly than me. I will only mirror their thoughts. We have been persecuted from Mitzrayim through Oc...

  Did you ever come across a quote by accident and find it to have such profound meaning that it puts something you have been trying to convey to your clients into such a simple and comprehensible way? I happened by this quote, read it, and moved on, but then one of my clients said something to me and I found myself quoting it multiple times to different clients as its message is so profound. Because I only happened by it I actually quoted it to my clients a bit differently: Not every thought should be said Not every word should be heard Not every book should be read They both have the same underlying message: Words can destroy relationships on both ends. But I as an individual can also choose what I want to hear and absorb. It happened when one of my clients felt frustrated trying to talk to her parents about her dating experience, and she felt that they were throwing in things she just did not want to hear and were totally not supporting her or making her feel heard. She happens...

  Love is not about asking someone to do something difficult or inconvenient for you, and them doing it despite saying no. Love is not about receiving gifts, being taken places, or getting things because someone loves you. The Torah tells us to love H'shem with all our hearts and soul. I chose to be a life strategist rather than a licensed therapist, even though I have a certification in CBT, I received my license as an addiction counselor and was in a Master's program. Until the Torah gives me a degree, I prefer to be a strategist and use the Torah as my knowledge and frame of reference. How can the Torah tell us to love? Without delving into all the Shailos and Teshuvos , let's look at what love is on a basic "human" level. Love is wanting the one you love to succeed, accomplish their goals, and be happy. It's doing whatever you can to facilitate, encourage, and help them. Love is NOT about what others can do for you. If you have difficulty "feeli...

  We know it will be good because H'shem is good, even though right now I am going through hard times. Let's take our Tehillim and say Kapitel Mizmor L'Todah, moving our feet and smiling, not waiting until we see the good outcome. By doing this, we reinforce our knowledge that in the end we will praise and thank H'shem because it will be good - because He is good. Focusing on this now strengthens our emunah and bitachon in Him. Here are some gentle reminders for focusing on the positive outcome that I know will come: 1. When stress feels heavy, pause for a moment to say "Kol man d'avid Rachmana l'tav avid" (everything that the Merciful One does is for the good) and take a few deep breaths. This simple practice helps remind us that everything comes from H'shem, who only does things for our good and so it is good and will be good. 2. Make a little notebook and write down experiences from your life when you were struggling but later realized H'she...

  The month of Tevet marks significant events in Jewish history. On the eighth of Tevet, the Torah was translated into Greek, bringing spiritual darkness for three days. On the tenth of Tevet, Nevuchadnetzar began the siege of Jerusalem, initiating the process that would lead to the destruction of the first Beit Hamikdash. The Rambam teaches that this fast day calls for Cheshbon Hanefesh (spiritual accounting). While we mourn the destruction of the Beit Hamikdash, destroyed due to Sinat Chinam (baseless hatred), we must practice Ahavat Chinam (unconditional love), which will help speed up the building of the third and final Beit Hamikdash. How Can We Help Build? Practice seeing the good in every Jew Work on improving challenging relationships Support unity initiatives in your communities Focus on proper speech and positive interactions Zecharya HaNavi promises that the four fast days in which we mourn the destruction of the Beti Mikdash will transform into celebrations w...

"There are three things you need to know about people who get angry very easily," said Jordan Peterson: 1. "They have a good and kind heart. Beneath their fierce exterior, they are more compassionate and sensitive to emotions, which means they feel both the highs and lows intensely. This sensitivity can manifest itself as a high temper, but it is often rooted in their deep care for the world around them." Their anger is often a shield guarding a heart that feels too much. 2. They love wholeheartedly, and because of this, the ones they love often take it for granted, and so they are underappreciated and undervalued. This leads to feelings of frustration. 3. Once they get on your bad side, FORGET IT. They will ignore you with passion and negate your entire existence. They use their anger as a protective mechanism to guard their heart from further hurt. They create distance for self-preservation rather than spite. What can we learn from this? Instead of dismissing so...

Documented medical studies show we should never jump up from bed immediately upon opening our eyes after sleep- it can cause serious heart injury. Instead, take 12 seconds before sitting up. Mode Ani, the 12 words we say upon opening our eyes, doesn't just protect us physically. When we focus on these words, our entire world takes on new meaning. Rav Zamir Cohen teaches that Mode Ani, "Ani ma'amin b'H'shem" (I trust in H'shem that He will protect and watch over me) is well understood. But the final words "Rabbah Emunasecha" (Your trust in ME) are profound! The first thing we are told to say, think, believe, and repeat aloud is that H'shem believes in us and our capabilities. This understanding can transform a person, giving them a new lease on life every morning. Each of us has experienced unexpected strength when others believed in and encouraged us. How much more powerful,  is it to know that the Creator of the World has given us another ...