Did you ever come across a quote by accident

 

Did you ever come across a quote by accident and find it to have such profound meaning that it puts something you have been trying to convey to your clients into such a simple and comprehensible way?
I happened by this quote, read it, and moved on, but then one of my clients said something to me and I found myself quoting it multiple times to different clients as its message is so profound.

Because I only happened by it I actually quoted it to my clients a bit differently:

Not every thought should be said
Not every word should be heard
Not every book should be read

They both have the same underlying message: Words can destroy relationships on both ends. But I as an individual can also choose what I want to hear and absorb.

It happened when one of my clients felt frustrated trying to talk to her parents about her dating experience, and she felt that they were throwing in things she just did not want to hear and were totally not supporting her or making her feel heard.
She happens to be quite tall and I asked her,
"What if someone would come over to you and say 'How do you deal with being so short?' Your initial reaction would be 'OK there is obviously something wrong with this person.' So why when someone says something to you do you automatically absorb and get hurt?" Not everything someone says needs to be absorbed.

Now don't get me wrong, especially with parents we must respect and understand that they have our best interest at heart, but sometimes they can be unknowingly hurtful when trying to be helpful. This issue obviously carries many different scenarios and a lot of weight but if I can just scratch the surface of the point I am trying to make here:

1. Before you speak ask yourself if the person I am speaking to will take what I am saying positively or am I just bashing, criticizing, and letting off emotional steam and what I am about to say will do more damage than good.
2. If something was said it does not mean I need to absorb what was said. I have a filter which I can use to determine what I let in and what I choose to push aside. Yes, it is not easy and takes work but I can promise you everyone who can accomplish this feat is well on their way to success in every area of their life.
3. Just because someone wrote their thoughts does not mean you should believe everything you read. I remember hearing once that someone came to the Chofetz Chaim to get his haskama on a book he wrote on Anger. When the Chofetz Chaim refused, the author got angry and threw a fit. The Chofetz Chaim then said to him (if I remember the story correctly), "I did not speak Loshon Hara for 30 years before I wrote Hilchot Shmirat Halashon."

Not everyone is an expert. Make sure you are getting your direction and advice from the right source and reach out for help if you feel you are stuck in the loop of criticism and feeling emotionally battered. You don't need to change others to be happy. It is a choice. Reach out to learn how.