A person wants to be heard before they can hear

One of my clients flew into Israel today and wanted me to meet her teenager.
Of course, I agreed, but asked "Does she know why she is coming?"

"Not really," she said. "What should I tell her?"

No matter what the excuse was going to be, I knew exactly what her body language was going to say:
"I don't want to be here."

As expected - folded arms, slumped back in the cafe booth, eyes that wouldn't hold a gaze.

With much Siyata Dishmaya, the meeting ended an hour and a half later with arms at her sides, good eye contact, communication, and a meeting of the minds.

In the taxi on the way back, her mother texted me, "How did you do that?"

"Simple," I said. "A whole lot of Siyata Dishmaya, praying, and I let her know that what she thinks is right and justified."

Trying to "get through to someone" when they feel unheard, judged, and misunderstood is like trying to break down a brick wall.

You will do more damage to yourself than good.

"Who is smart? One who learns from everyone" (Pirkei Avot)

Every person has a point, a valid reason for the way they think and what they do. Give them credit, and you will see they will be willing to hear you too.

Photo by Jason Rosewell on Unsplash

Comments

The Hidden Reason You're Not Feeling Love (It's Not What You Think)

Love is not about asking someone to do something difficult or inconvenient for you, and them doing it despite saying no. Love is not about receiving gifts, being taken places, or getting things because someone loves you. The Torah tells us to love H'shem with all our hearts and soul. I chose to be a life strategist rather than a licensed therapist, even though I have a certification in CBT, I received my license as an addiction counselor and was in a Master's program. Until the Torah gives me a degree, I prefer to be a strategist and use the Torah as my knowledge and frame of reference. How can the Torah tell us to love? Without delving into all the Shailos and Teshuvos , let's look at what love is on a basic "human" level. Love is wanting the one you love to succeed, accomplish their goals, and be happy. It's doing whatever you can to facilitate, encourage, and help them. Love is NOT about what others can do for you. If you have difficulty "feeli...

Compilation of Chanukah Segulot, Kavanot, understanding and practices right here

The Complete Guide to the Segulot of Chanukah Chanukah isn't just about commemorating a miracle from the past—it's a spiritually charged time when the gates of heaven swing wide open, and we have access to supernatural yeshuot and brachot. Here's everything you need to know about the segulot of Chanukah. The Mystical Numerology of Chanukah Yerushalayim and the Lights The navi says: "והיה בעת ההוא אחפש את ירושלים בנרות" - "V'haya ba'et hahi achapesh et Yerushalayim b'nerot" (At that time I will search Yerushalayim with candles). What's the connection? Yerushalayim is mentioned in Tanach 656 times. Nerot in gematria equals 656. And "achapesh" doesn't mean "search"—Hakadosh Baruch Hu says He will bring Yerushalayim to chofesh (freedom). These Chanukah lights will illuminate the geulah for us, the freedom from galut. The 36 Angels We light 36 candles total during Chanukah. There's an astonishing hint in Yes...

Yanuka:Your Tefilot will be "Accepted Immediately" Segulah for the Aseret Yemei Teshuva

In the name of the Yanuka, quoting the Rambam, he advises that one of the biggest segulot during the Aseret Yemei Teshuva is to take a piece of paper and write a specific tefillah that you are asking H'shem to grant you for this coming year. In the name of the Yanuka, his talmid says these days are days of tefillah when H'shem is closest - call out to Him! Cry out to Him everything your heart desires. Make it specific and say it as many as 200 times during the Aseret Yemei Teshuva. Everything can be granted at this time. Pour out your heart in Teshuvah and Bakasha He quotes the Ramabam Rambam Hilchot Teshuva Perek Bet, Halacha vav "אע"פ שהתשובה והצעקה יפה לעולם, בעשרה הימים שבין ראש השנה ויום הכפורים היא יפה ביותר ומתקבלת היא מיד , שנאמר: "דרשו ה' בהמצאו" (ישעיהו נה, ו) . "Even though teshuva and crying out [to H'shem] are good at all times, during the ten days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur t hey are most beautiful and are acce...