The 13 Middot Harachamim 5 The feeling of disappointing

 

The Final Attributes of Mercy: Attributes Ten through Thirteen

Attributes Ten and Eleven

Noseh Avon (Forgiving Iniquity)
H’shem removes and forgives intentional sins.

V'Pesha (And Transgression)
H’shem forgives even sins committed in rebellion against Him.

Practical Applications in Communication

Behavioral studies have revealed that people, especially children, unconsciously draw others into their emotional state. When a child throws a tantrum or responds with "I can't" or "It won't work," they are not trying to be difficult—they are unconsciously attempting to get you to feel their stress and frustration. Children displaying "chutzpah" or confrontational behavior perceive far more through our eyes and words than we realize. Our intended messages of structure and concern are often received as mistrust, judgment, and disgust. Professionals consistently advise that when we change how we speak and the feelings we project, children will change how they respond to us. The feeling of disappointing a parent or guardian is profoundly painful, as your perception shapes their self-worth. When you shift your focus to see their goodness while accepting their struggles, your language naturally transforms to loving words with a forgiving tone, and their defiance will likely diminish.

For Personal Growth

Many struggle with feeling "too sinful" to begin the process of teshuvah (repentance). This attitude works against spiritual growth. The most beautiful act a Jew can perform is returning to H’shem out of pure love and remorse for having disappointed the Creator who loves, provides, and cares for them. Your pain over disappointing your Father, choosing to mend your ways and return to Him, is the strongest proclamation of service possible.

When feeling inadequate in the teshuvah process, try this exercise: "I know I sinned by doing 'this'; however, I did a mitzvah when I did 'that.'" If you feel overwhelmed, revisit the virtues identified in the first exercise of Count 40.

Attributes Twelve and Thirteen

V'Chata (And Sin)
Masechet Yoma explains this attribute as Moshe asking H’shem to view the Jewish nation's sins as inadvertent rather than intentional.

V'Nakeh (And Cleanse)
The Maharal describes this as the most powerful attribute—H’shem "cleanses the sinner from sin" so thoroughly that no remnant remains.
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Community Impact

The feedback from this workshop has been inspiring. Many participants have internalized these attributes one by one. Some have written personal meanings beside each attribute in their prayer books, while others have implemented the practical exercises, connecting with them on a deeper level. This dedication will surely make prayers more meaningful and inspirational for all who have invested in learning and growth through Count 40's teachings on the 13 Attributes of Mercy.

Applications for Our Lives

In Our Relationships: By embracing these attributes in our character, we learn to accept others as they are—fellow humans navigating life's complexities, not deliberately seeking to cause harm. This perspective helps us judge everyone with the benefit of doubt and positive intent.

For Personal Growth: The 13 Attributes serve three essential functions:

1. Revealing how H’shem judges us when we call upon Him

2. Teaching us how to judge and respond to others

3. Guiding how we should view and judge ourselves

Rav Fanger offers a powerful metaphor: Someone attempting to climb the mountain of self-improvement while dragging a heavy sack will be perpetually weighed down, repeatedly falling due to this emotional and mental burden.

We must learn to forgive others as well as ourselves, releasing the past if we ever hope to reach the peak of our potential.

Photo by Zahra Amiri on Unsplash