Is there a secret to making a change in your life?
Rav Fanger teaches that how a person views the events in their life will be the deciding factor in how they react and what effect these events will have.
What is the key? The power of flexibility.
To some, this comes naturally, and to others, it is entirely against their nature. The rhythm of life continuously guides us through a series of events. Some are expected, while others are a complete surprise. Irrational expectations trigger disappointment. "What should be" leads to feelings of frustration and anger. These reactions inhibit any growth or change from occurring.
The solution:
One must develop the art of "flexibility" instead of being stubborn and rigid. They must learn to navigate around these events instead of feeling helpless and stuck. Then, without waiting for or needing things around them to change, one can dramatically improve their life.
Communication: When you have an expectation of how things "should be," you communicate disappointment, anger, and frustration in your reactions when events in your life don't meet your expectations. In doing this, you insult, hurt, and push away the people around you. Although it was not your intention to communicate these feelings, your own disappointment entangled in your speech creates a rift in your relationships. To avoid this, try to come to peace with the situation before reacting.
Self-Improvement: The art of flexibility is crucial to self-improvement. Until one is willing to let go of their need for things to go "their way" or the way they expected, they will not be able to improve their relationship with themselves or others. Making change requires flexibility in how you see and react to events in your life.
Emuna, Bitachon, and Tefilah: If one develops the perspective that the events in their life are not happenstance yet perfectly measured, they can "let go and let life." For many, this is a tall order if they have yet to develop and internalize that G-d runs the world and all the events that occur within it. By strengthening the idea that everything is from H’shem, they can let go of what they want to happen, recognizing there is someone much more capable in charge. So, in your Tefilah (prayer), ask Hashem to let you let go and let Him in. This will leave you free to work on yourself and improve your circumstances.
Conclusion: True change begins when we stop fighting reality and start adapting to it with grace. By cultivating flexibility, we not only reduce our own suffering but also open ourselves to new possibilities that rigid thinking might prevent us from seeing. Remember that flexibility is not weakness - it's a strength that allows us to bend without breaking when life doesn't go as planned.
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