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Count 40 Post 4 Breaking Free from Autopilot



Overcoming Personal Struggles: Breaking Free from Autopilot

Have you ever wondered why changing feels impossible? "I've tried so many times to break this habit, to become the person I want to be—but I keep failing. Why is change so difficult?"

The Autopilot Problem

One of the main reasons we struggle is because we're on "autopilot." We're so busy, pulled in so many directions, that our reactions become habitual and impulsive rather than conscious decisions. Our habits run on automatic, making change feel impossible.

Breaking the Autopilot Mode

The key is bringing your struggle to the forefront of your mind, engaging your "thinking brain"—the conscious, cognitive part that makes deliberate decisions. This allows you to override the autopilot mode and take control of your behaviors.

Example: Controlling Your Temper

Say you want to stop shouting. You know raising your voice damages relationships, yet emotions often take over. Here's a strategy:

  1. Institute a "starting ritual":

    • When emotions begin to boil, immediately close your eyes.

    • Begin counting backward from an odd number (e.g., 67, 65, 63).

    • This engages your cognitive brain, shocking it into thinking mode.

  2. Open your eyes and speak calmly with intention.

Over time, this ritual becomes your new habit, training your brain to respond differently when triggered.

Small Steps for Big Changes

Rav Dessler writes in "Striving for Truth" that you should start slowly until you reach your goal. Taking little steps, rather than big strides, increases the likelihood of success.

Example: Overcoming the Snooze Button

To curb destructive behaviors like oversleeping:

  1. When the alarm rings, count to 13 (Moden Ani).

  2. Then, JUMP out of bed!

Remember, getting up or hitting snooze is your first choice of the day, setting the tone for every choice that follows.

Exercises for Personal Growth

Take a few minutes to reflect on these areas. For each one, write down:

  1. A specific situation where you struggle

  2. How autopilot mode affects your response

  3. A small, concrete ritual you can implement to engage your thinking brain

1. Communication

  • When do you speak before thinking? With whom do you most often lose your temper?

  • How might your relationships improve if you paused before responding?

  • What simple ritual could help you stay calm when emotions rise?

2. Self-Improvement

  • Which daily habit most prevents you from becoming your best self?

  • What trigger typically precedes this habit?

  • What 5-10 second ritual could interrupt your autopilot response?

3. Emuna, Bitachon & Tefilah

  • In what situations do you struggle to maintain faith and trust?

  • How might "frontal thinking" help you see challenges more positively?

  • What brief prayer or meditation could serve as your thinking ritual?


The Path Forward

Remember: בדרך שאדם רוצה ללכת בה מוליכין אותו "In the way in which a person wants to go is the way in which he will be led" (Makkot 10b)

Change happens one mindful moment at a time. By interrupting your autopilot with these small rituals, you create space for conscious choice. Each time you engage your thinking brain, you build the foundation for lasting transformation. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step—take yours today.

Daily Reminders:

  • Recite 10 Perakim of Tehillim daily to finish twice by Rosh Hashanah (א-י)

  • Recite Perek כז twice daily according to your minhag beginning the night of 30th of Av (לדוד ה' אורי וישעי)



    Photo by Isaac Mugwe on Unsplash

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