Why You Should Stay Quiet During A Meltdown

When someone is having a total meltdown, especially children their brain, as
*Dr. Dan Siegel explains, is "flipping its lid" – meaning the top, rational part of their brain has gone offline*.
 During these intense moments, your response as a parent is crucial.

Haden, a certified play therapist, advises that the best thing you can do for both you and the child is to stay in full control of your emotions.
If you start yelling, not only will they be unable to hear or process your words, but your out-of-control behavior will set them off completely, transforming a meltdown into battle mode.

The best approach to prevent unnecessary emotional damage is to remain calm.
Understanding what happens in the brain during these moments is key: when someone "flips their lid," the prefrontal cortex (the rational, thinking part of the brain) temporarily goes "offline," leaving them operating primarily from their emotional brain.
By staying calm, you help them regulate their own emotions.

The science behind staying calm is clear. When you remain quiet and composed during a meltdown, it prevents escalation of the situation while modeling emotional regulation. This approach maintains a safe emotional environment for the child, allowing their nervous system to gradually calm down, and preserves the relationship.

Yelling, on the other hand, creates additional problems.
During a meltdown, a child literally cannot process rational information.
Raising your voice only increases their stress response, potentially transforming a meltdown into a power struggle. This can create feelings of shame and fear in the child and damage the relationship.

Let them relax – this is crucial. When children see you maintaining your composure, they'll naturally begin to calm down faster. Your calm presence serves as an anchor, helping them navigate through their emotional storm.

Remember, when the meltdown is over, you want to ensure there's no unnecessary damage to repair. Your calm presence during their emotional turbulence not only helps them regulate their emotions more quickly but also strengthens your relationship with your child.

By modeling emotional regulation during these challenging moments, you're teaching your child valuable life skills about managing big feelings – and that's a gift that will serve them well throughout their lives.

Photo by Jelleke Vanooteghem on Unsplash