Real or Synthetic Grass

I had a client call me yesterday in tears.

A single girl, the oldest in her family, shidduchim here and there.

She had a horrible time over chag.
It is hard at this stage to find your place.
Everything her siblings and cousins said threw her off. She was in tears.

When she was ready to get down to doing the work, I broke it down into three options:
1. Can you change someone else?
No. If her siblings and cousins wanted to be nasty, trying to educate, punish, or get them back would only fuel the flames.
2. If you "ignore" them will you feel better?
No. The problem is still there and you are just trying to pretend it is not.
3. What if you become synthetic grass?
You see, if you water synthetic grass, it will not grow, and if you pour vinegar on it, it won't die. The only way to protect yourself from someone else's comments is to build myself.

The more comfortable I am with who I am, the skin I'm in, and where I'm at, I can recognize that other people's opinions can only affect me:
a. If I believe it has truth to it
b. If I judge myself according to other opinions.
c. If I need recognition and validation to feel good about myself

We also uncovered the root of their nastiness was probably stemming from them feeling she was judging, controlling, and talking down to them. All coming from a good place and having grown in Seminary, her "direction" was coming off as condescending and controlling.

If someone is not taking direction or instruction from you, stop giving it.

First, build a relationship with them. Shower them with compliments and love. Once they really believe that you truly love them and they can start accepting from you, then and only then can you offer your opinion.

Photo by Grant Durr on Unsplash

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